I lost my father at the tender age of 9, he died in April 1974. Then as you know in April of 2010 I lost my mother. I cannot explain to you the feeling of losing your last parent. I felt as if someone had just yanked my world right out from under me. The world as I knew it had changed. The connections I had as a human being were gone. My birth connections to another human being, my parents, were gone.

When you lose one parent, you can at least say, well I at least have my mom or dad or whatever parent remains. When you lose both parents, there is a feeling of complete and utter loneliness that surrounds you. You identity as a child is gone since you no longer have a living parent to cling to. All of a sudden you feel alone, alone because the parents that have always been around are now gone. There is a sense of no longer belonging to anyone, anywhere, or anything. There is a sense of profound loss that clings to you.

As I struggled to deal with this, I found myself trying to figure out how I belonged in this world, without my parents and alone. You spend so much of your life trying to figure out who you are without your parents and then when they are gone you try to figure out how you go on without them.

I do have one brother left and he is all I have left of my immediate family. I have found myself clinging to him a great deal in these last few months. I lost my other brother 10 years ago, the night before Thanksgiving. I have suffered a lot of loss in my life but nothing has left me feeling this alone and this cut off from everything and everyone.

Healing comes slowly and maybe one day soon I will find some peace. It has been almost 6 months but it seems like yesterday. If you have suffered the loss of both of your parents please comment and let me know how you dealt with it. If you have struggled like I have, my heart breaks for you.

thegeekwife